Fertility Closure

Today Susan and I received final closure to the question of our fertility or infertility. We drove up to Salinas so that she could undergo a hysterosalpingogram, which is a really long word that means a doctor used dye and an x-ray to check her fallopian tubes for blockages. It was a very fast procedure, taking just a few minutes, and everything checked out fine. Her tubes are as open as can be.

This was both a huge relief for me as well as a slight disappointment. It was a relief to have the procedure done, as it was the final thing that we were comfortable doing in order to investigate our infertility. I am glad to have the confirmation that there's nothing physically wrong with either of us, but the lack of a clear cut answer frustrates my analytical, problem-solving mind. After the test I realized that I had been unconsciously hoping that there would have been a slight blockage, and that the force of the dye would have cleaned it out, thus leaving her tube open. At least that scenario would have given a logical (albeit, human) explanation to why we are childless. Now we're in the frustratingly named category of "unexplained infertility".

Of course, this doesn't really affect anything that we've already decided to pursue, namely adoption. It just puts our minds at ease that we're okay physically and it really forces us to trust that God has something else in store for us, and we'll find out what that is when He's ready to show us. Now I need to live up to my commitment to Susan to read up on the adoption procedure so that we are actually making progress toward that end. She's felt constricted and limited in what she can read and research without a reciprocal effort from me. I don't intentionally hold her back, it's just that with everything else going on this year, I haven't prioritized our self-imposed weekly reading assignments. As we wind down the Arabic course and the homework requirements decrease, I need to ensure I take care of Susan's heart and fulfill my promises.